recoverymonologue.com

A Female Perspective

Posted 1/5/2010 @ 4:57:33 pm by recoverymonologue.com

I have gotten the question, "What is it like to be a woman sex addict?" "Are you a nymph and just want sex all the time?"  The answer is not that simple.  My addiction to sex was an addiction in keeping myself in trauma I experienced as a child.  I was used to that state so I just perpetuated it in all my relationships/ encounters.  Sex addiction does not discriminate it does not care if you are a man or a woman, wealthy or poverty stricken.  What is different is finding other women with my issues to connect to, this is such a shameful disease that wives, mothers, daughters, professional women, homemakers can not bring themselves to talk about their secret life.

 

I know I did not talk about my sex addiction until my husband caught me and we discussed it at length with the aid of a therapist.  Only then did I start attending SAA meetings.  Now the meetings are essential to my recovery.  It does not matter that often I am the only woman in the room.  The stories may be different but the destruction this disease leaves behind for us all is similar.  I would not have the life I have now if it were not for the recovery in the rooms of SAA.  No matter who deep or painful the shame may feel the relief that comes from unburdening ourselves is beyond compare.  I hope in the near future other women can find the peace and serenity that recovery has showed me.

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Comments (6):

  • L.J. @ 01/05/2010 ( 6:20:13 PM )
    God do I so relate to this topic...After a brutal rape at age twelve I continued to perpetuate the act over and over again for thirty one years...I felt like a worthless piece of flesh that no one could love or even want to love if the new my sorrid secrets...it wasn't until I had hit my botttom that I was able to get the help I so desperately needed. The rooms, the therapist, and most importantly my Higher Power help put this Humpty Dumpty back together again...In February I will celebrate my fifth year in recovery...an amazing accomplishment in my life. I'm finally at peace with my past and the serenity of the present is a real testiment to my program. I agree with our author here when she says..." I wouldn't have the life I have if it wasn't for my recovery." The people, love and support of the rooms and of the fellowship keep me coming back...Thank you Papa
  • Daniel @ 01/05/2010 ( 8:58:57 PM )
    I am so very very grateful to the women in our program. You all teach me to be present and courageous in confronting my addiction. You may not get nervous about being the only woman in the room sometimes but I might! And in that i have to confront deepest parts of my addiction--my beliefs about myself and the way in which i see other people.
  • Randi @ 01/06/2010 ( 7:09:14 AM )
    I am so proud of the women who speak their truth about being a sex addict!!! It helps diminish the shame associated with sex addiction. It seems that when sex addiction is addressed, it is mostly always assumed its regarding a man. I admire women sex addicts that get into recovery and stay there, despite the stigma sex addiction has. As a woman, we need to stay sober, if not for ourselves, for our spouses and children. Being a mom and a wife in recovery, just enhances the rewards of being their for our family. It's not easy walking into meetings with all men. But, when you sit down and listen to others share, you come to realize that we are all in this addiction together. Sex addiction does not descriminate!!!!! It will take us all out, if we let it. So, I applaud all the women who are a part of a 12 step recovery group and hope the peace and serenity that you gain from saa keeps you coming back. IT WORKS!!!! YOU GO GIRL!!!!!Feeling very proud and grateful to be a part of SAA.
  • Ted N @ 01/07/2010 ( 10:36:24 PM )
    Thank you for this post. I can relate completely to it. The stories are often different, but the feelings are the same and I know I got here much like alot of other people the same way, because I was powerless and my life was unmanageable. And being a gay man in what is usually a room full of straight men, I could very easily feel like someone that does not belong. But I relate to how we are similar just like you do. so it does not matter. The feelings are the same and the progression of the disease is the same. So the recovery is the same as well if I listen to those around me that have followed the program and have a new way of life. And I want a new way of life so I listen and I keep coming back. And I am glad that we have diversity in our fellowship so that no one is afraid to come into the room and share and open up. I want everyone to feel as welcome as I did when I came in because if I did not, I would still be out there acting out and using drugs and maybe dead. Thank you for this post and for reminding me how similar we are all.
  • John @ 01/20/2010 ( 1:45:35 PM )
    Often when women came into the rooms, I fantasized about violating one of the understandings that we have in SAA. That "this is not a place to pick up sex partners." In AA this is called a 13th step. This has changed over time and now women in the rooms are to me someone else there seeking help with this terribly self destructive disease. I could put myself in the place of their husbands or boyfriends but know that I don't belong there. My wife would understand the pain that those partners are going through due to betrayal more than I would. I never was betrayed by a wife or lover. Only left by them after they had no more room for the pain I caused.
    Today I am seeking an end of causing pain by ending my own in recovery. I have found that there is pain caused by the wound and pain caused by healing. A good friend of mine suffered a spill from a motorcycle where he lost layers of skin from sliding on the ground. That was the pain of the injury. Treatment involved scrubbing the raw skin to remove all the dirt and debris. A painful treament like withdrawal. Then the time it took to heal involved having the treated skin coverd by bandages to heal. All painful, but the pain of healing soon gave way to healed skin, just as the pain of working the steps will give way to a healed heart, mind and soul. So long as there wasn't another fall, his skin would continue to heal. Recovery however takes constant treatment after the pain of healing has passed. I know I will have alot of time for healing because the wounds are old, deep and have festered. Untreated wounds take more time.
  • kreg @ 02/17/2010 ( 2:31:29 AM )
    It is truly amazing to hear a womans perspective as it just goes to show you how non-discriminatory this disease truly is. This disease affects everyone no matter who you are.
    I feel the women who attend mostly male meetings are truly courageous to share their stories. I can't even begin to imagine the courage that it takes to open up in front of men.
    Thank-you and continue your shares and courage.
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