One of the toughest areas to wade through is the internet. While it is truely one of mankinds greatest gifts, it has had negative consequences for many. I think it is so amazing that we could build such an educational tool. I also know the harsh reality of it's dark sides. I too, was caught up in it's pornographic waters. Thankfully, I have learned that while I have a strong spiritual connection I can swim with it's sharks. I do not have to choose such sites that can erode my inner soul. This is the greatest tool given to mankind since the invention of the light bulb. Some people get caught up in the bubble of their disease and end up browsing aimlessly through a sea of perversion. Not because they wanted too, but rather because this disease is so cunning and powerful that they felt unable to stop their desires to view pornography or chat. At times like this the tool becomes a weapon and can rip the very fiber of integrity right from it's foundation. Once bitten by the internet bug, most fall prey to it's dark sides very quickly whether they are spending time on chat sites or personal ads. It's appeal to allow us to remain anonymous has most sex addicts addicted after just a few sessions. The allure of it's images cast a spell over our ability to rationalize between fantasy and reality. Therefore this great tool can never fulfill it's truest potential. However, there is one power that can assist us as we chart out our course, that one power is God, may you find God now and have Him surf along side of you to keep your journey safe. It's up to each of us to choose our existance with the internet, for surely the internet is here to stay.
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I can remember sliding down that long dark hallway with nothing to grab onto, and luckily enough I found a small handhole and pulled myself out. However; my addict saw an oportunity about 1 1/2 months ago and I started to slide again but I was tied off to some very powerfull tools and was able to bring myself to safety.
I am thankful for this day as I am sober and am adding tools to my toolbox everyday that will assist my HP in keeping me safe.
I now utilize the internet as a learning tool heading down a wonderful path.
Thank you HP and Thank you to my wonderful Sponsor who had provided me with a tremendous amount of insight to my addict and how to fight him.
Today I can thank my HP (while I still figure out what that is for me), this program, the rooms, my sponsor, and the countless men and women who have propped me up since I began the long, slow road to recovery. Admittedly, I have slipped along the way. But today I am much stronger at avoiding the temptations and pitfalls that the internet provides.
I try to imagine an alcoholic going about his day while working and living in a bar. Sounds cruel and tough, doesn't it? Having the internet with all its possibilites just seconds away at almost any time of day is just as tough, but I am learning that I am tough too.
To my 8-year-old daughter, the internet is a place where she can learn about exotic animals, distant planets, or play silly games. She has no concept (yet) of the dark and destructive world just around the corner, and I try to remind myself of that perspective. They say "you can't put the genie back in the bottle", but I am trying and learning one day at a time to enjoy the best uses of the internet that bring me closer to my HP - news, art, literature, music, connecting with family and friends, and so much more. It's all out there and it's within reach just as easily as the destructive behaviors.
When it is an obcession dealing with addiction, (sex or gambling) it has become a master and a dreadful one.
Finding freedom from this takes a program of recovery like the ones offere through the twelve steps. I am greatful that it here for us all.
Thanks for reading.
God love you.
Somehow, God gave me the strength to stop - and to replace my chat rooms and porn sites with the education and learning that the computer can also supply. I thank my H.P. for saving me, from that life, and guiding me to use the internet as a tool for a healthy and successful life.