recoverymonologue.com

Change...A Forever Thing

Posted 2/8/2009 @ 2:45:36 am by recoverymonologue.com

The longer you hang around the rooms the more you notice this little thing called change, sometimes good, sometimes bad, but always constant. I remember my first months in program where you would hear remarks like, "be gentle on your self", or "let the change happen slowly." In the beginning, I wasn't sure what was going to happen on this journey I was undertaking. What I soon realized was one thing and that was change was abounding all around me. Whether I liked it or not I was going through a metamoraphis that was going to change my life. I felt like a catapillar changing into a butterfly. In this world we live in one thing is certain, change will occur. I've come to welcome this new phase of my life due to the miracles I've witnessed along the way. I learned to grow into my new awarenesses and use their teachings in my daily life. One change that occured during my first four years of recovery was I gained weight, but even that I learned to change with some new tools in my support box. One thing I like to leave you with is that this change has a life of it's own and will occur whether you are ready for it or not. It's like a new day, it just appears. I'm so grateful to my higher power for leading me in this journey I call change and for all the love and support I have felt along the way. Today, I embrace my change as a part of recovery and hope that you will embrace yours as well. Change...a forever thing.

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Comments (11):

  • Jeff @ 02/10/2009 ( 10:07:18 AM )
    I can't agree more. The change that has occurred over the last 15 months has been hard to imagine. From a better relationship, to more self confidence, to a better work ethic things have changed in my life all for the better. I used to fear the future because I knew inherently that some day I would get caught. Now I have nothing to fear and I look forward to the future. That is the biggest change I have made for myself.
  • Kreg @ 02/10/2009 ( 7:10:52 PM )
    Im definitely not affraid of change but I am affraid of rushing. I have begun to see change in my life, whether it be the honest person that I have become. I see things differently now also, i see things for what they are not for what my addict wants them to be. I am new to this journey, in fact I think I only have the map and have begun to read how to use it but all be it that has been a journey its self. I am looking forward to more change.......
  • Ted @ 02/13/2009 ( 12:47:20 PM )
    This topic is very apropos. I was just thinking about how much I have changed last night. I left the meeting and was filling up my car with gas when I was approached by someone wanting to wipe down my car for some cash. I let him. The entire time he did he talked to me. Then I gave him some cash and he was on his way. As I was driving home several things occured to me. This guy was identical to all of the guys that I used to pick up on the side of the street. Luckily I was not triggered, I just empathized because I could relate to what it was like to in that position. I was pretty close to it myself when I was doing drugs and acting out. Any this person was just like all of those guys looking for a quick buck. But he also reminded me of how close I was to being in that same position. Right before the end I was pretty much out of money, I had not been paying my bills and I was doing drugs and acting out compulsively. If I had survived, that could be me. And that could still be me if I go back out. As I drove home I was able to look back over the past 3 and 1/2 years and really see how far I have come and how much I have changed. I can see how much this program has given me and how my work has paid off. I can remember days when I was so obsessed that I drove from North Miami to West Palm Beach and stopped at every Adult Book Store I could find. Total Insanity!!!!! Today, to do that is not even thinkable. I don't even want that today. I want a healthy relationship with someone that wants a healthy relationship with me. And I am able to say that and be in this place because I have a healthy relationship with me. I have never had that before coming into recovery. I am grateful for everything that this program has given me and continues to give me. My life has changed and continues to change and I know as long as I do the footwork, my Higher Power will continue to take care of me.
  • Jonah @ 02/15/2009 ( 1:20:59 PM )
    One of the changes I am seeing is spoken of in the promises. We will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us. I have had many moments in my recovery where I have been overwhelmed with shame. Lately, I have had moments where I have spoken words that used to be stuck in my throat or trapped in the back of my brain. The ability to move forward where I used to "lock up" is a wonderful gift. There are more changes happening, but this is one of my favorites.
  • Rob @ 02/16/2009 ( 1:36:28 PM )
    I am slow to change. The worse and dangerous ways I use to act out, I totally stopped. Pot and prostitutes. But the daydreaming is still there and so are the war stories. I still am taking hits from listening to other's stories and then contributing. I would not do this around Sa fellowship because it would be inappropriate. But at least I am aware of what is inappropriate. That itself is change. Two of my friends were discussing infidelity. One of them said he could not even contemplate it. Those were very strong words and something I needed to hear. Maybe one day I will talk that way. On the other hand, the same friend is constantly looking. Just shows no one is perfect.
  • Ally @ 02/16/2009 ( 8:48:55 PM )
    Change... maybe I should not write when I am in such a mood but we need to own all our moods right. In the rooms I am constantly told, man Ally you are so honest and you keep coming back...

    I am NOT honest, I am an addict and manipluating full blown sex fiend addict. And as I have so gently been told in that last few weeks, "maybe you AREN'T done"

    Change the only thing that has changed for me is now I have a head full of program and the acting out sucks... always chasing that perfect high, that perfect man, that perfect sexual situation... before program I could fool myself that it was fun, that I was having a good time.... not now

    They say in another program... "A belly full of booze and a head full of program just doesn't work" Well it is the same for SAA a body and mind full of acting out and a brain full for program... what has changed is I don't get high anymore BUT I have not crashed to a burning bottom to say, "NO MATTER WHAT, I am done, NO MATTER WHAT I will make that call before I log on, NO MATTER WHAT I will pray before I get into this strangers car.... etc...

    Change.... everything has changed and nothing has changed for this addict.....
  • Marvin @ 07/08/2009 ( 12:54:35 PM )
    I always had a difficult time accepting change and yet my addiction was always changing me, for the worse.
    Now in recovery, I'm learning and accepting the wonderful changes happening in my life. Granted, sometimes the changes are emotional and challenging but I do it a day at a time or a moment at a time so as not to get overwhelmed.
    Change is now a positive thing for me, even if it means I have to put myself out there to see what I'm capable of. The incredible part is, every time I feel apprehensive, anxious or insecure and do it anyway, my confidence gets a boost and trust in my Higher Power grows.
    Thank You G-d for SAA and its members which have given me the tools and support to change my life for the better.
  • Ted N @ 07/26/2009 ( 9:32:45 PM )
    I never liked change. I was resistant to change and I was afraid of change. Today I have a very different feeling about it. Today I actually look forward to change. I am not going to say that I am always 100% excited about change. But for the most part, I do look forward to change because it means that I am growing and change at this point is usually for the better. And I know that as long as I am working my program, praying everyday and doing the footwork that I need to do, my Higher Power is going to take care of me. So I don't need to worry about what kind of change there is going to be. I will be ok no matter what the change. What a great feeling. What a burden lifted and what an excited place to be in my life. Thank you to this program and to my Higher Power. I love Recovery!
  • Ted N @ 09/01/2009 ( 10:07:53 PM )
    Change…I think I shared a month ago about how I never liked change. Now when I sit here and think about where I am and some of the things happening in my life, there is a lot that is different, a lot that has changed, a lot that is changing, and a lot that could still change. And you know what, I am ok. Some of it is a little scary, but scary in not so bad a way. Just scary in a little nervous way. But for the most part, I am embracing the changes that are happening in my life because I know that they are part of the gifts of this program and the blessings from my Higher Power. For example, 4 years ago today I was acting out and doing drugs about to enter the last binge of my addiction. On 9/5/05 I came into recovery and thank God have been here ever since. And I pray that I stay in recovery as long as I do the work. However, my point here is change. In my early recovery I was a mess. All I could worry about was not acting out, not using drugs and just learning how to like myself and take care of myself. Look where I am now. I love myself, I take care of myself. I think I am free from the obsession to use, and I work my program everyday so that I don’t have to find the need to act out. I love this program because it has given me the freedom to be who I am, the freedom to accept and embrace change and the freedom to live a life free from addictive sexual behaviors one day at time – as long as I do the work.
  • Ted N @ 01/22/2010 ( 10:11:01 PM )
    Change – A forever thing. I used to hate change, fear change and run away from change. Today I embrace change. Today change tells me that I am alive and that things are moving in the right direction. Change tells me that my life is active and not stagnant. It tells me that I am not isolating and not allowing things to happen to me. Change gives me hope that there are new things coming and that the promises will come true for me as long as I work my program. So, today I look forward to change. Another result of working this program.
  • Phil @ 04/12/2010 ( 5:23:12 PM )
    Funny thing about change - the change you think you want is often not the one you get. And that's the wonderful part.

    Thinking that all I wanted was to conquer my sex addiction, acting out, avoid all the misery that it brought into my life and others - seemed like heaven itself at the end of that rainbow.

    Those things have quieted down now - thank God (who is the only one who knows what change you really need). But the changes that I am seeing are so much deeper than avoiding addictive sexual behaviors. It's turning into a change in my mind, my heart, my spirituality. It is a change in the way I see myself and my world. It is learning to see things as they really are - not through the eyes of denial and rationalization. It is seeing myself as a part of the world, part of a decent society, part of an ethical and moral environment.It is a positive change, to a more full and rewarding life, of honesty and compassion and courage and love - not just the hiding from the behaviors that hurt ourselves and others.

    The change I'm finding is learning a right way to live, to love, and to accept all the wonderful beautiful things life offers, without the tyranny of fear. And to think that this was a change that never even occurred to me to ask for - it is the gift that God gives when you surrender yourself to Him. Surrender and be fulfilled.
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