recoverymonologue.com

I Admitted I'm A Sex Addict...What's Next?

Posted 6/27/2008 @ 1:30:00 am by recoverymonologue.com

So you want recovery, what's next? That's a very good question. When I first got into recovery some three and almost a half years ago my first sponsor told me I'd have to do the steps. What I heard was, "I have to do work." I just admitted I was a sex addict wasn't that work enough. The thought of having to commit to a program, call my sponsor everyday and now do the steps all seemed to be more than I could take. Besides I hadn't finished much of anything worth wild in ages. It seemed that I left projects unfinished all over the place or made promises to complete things that stay undone. What I hadn't counted on was for the first time in my adult life a power greater than myself was helping me with everything. I was able to commit to my sponsor to call him everyday, I had desire deep in my gut to commit to a program and lastly I longed to start a new phase of my life in completing the steps. Soon this "work" was not work at all but rather gratitude for the miracles I was receiving from all my new activities. I was starting to build a life. So I can say with complete conviction working a program and working the steps as soon as I could made a dramatic improvement in my life, emotionally, spiritually and psychologically. Today I am the man I am because of my commitment to a program of recovery and and  the 12 steps.

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Comments (12):

  • Bevin @ 06/27/2008 ( 12:09:05 PM )
    The miracle of the program is the new life that I am building through recovery. But I have to work the program, and that means working the steps. It's not enough for me just to come to meetings and even getting and calling a sponsor every day is not enough. SAA is a twelve step program and the miracle of personal growth and change comes from working the steps.
  • Rob @ 06/27/2008 ( 1:59:40 PM )
    I have to get serious about working the steps. Coming to meetings and talking to my sponsor are great ways of having a support group and easy to do. Sitting down with my thoughts and writing them out takes time and effort. It's also writing my rules and regulations of how I should act. To promise to act like a decent human being and not lie to myself. It's much easier to lie to my thoughts than lie to my thoughts that are in writing. God forbid I actually had to read my promises everyday and had to follow them.
  • Ally @ 06/28/2008 ( 2:29:45 PM )
    "Hi, I am Ally and I am a sex addict." Some days it really really hurts to say those words out loud. But truth often hurts me when I am in my active addiction. Men, sex, food, booze, drugs it really does not matter if I can not deal with my present reality I will use those things to numb out.

    Sex however is my PRIMARY addiction. It has been the most progressive and the most destructive of my addictions. "I am a sex addict, now what?" Now I just keep showing up. Recovery has been rocky to say the least, my addict does not want to let go of the death grip it has me in and I keep going back out there, what do they call it?"research and development"

    So, now what? Now I keep showing up, I keep picking up white chips and I keep trudging and clawing my way towards recovery, to that coveted 30 day red chip, a brother in recovery is keeping warm and ready for me.
    For me right now my entire existence in recovery is just showing up. Withdrawl is easing up on me just a bit but it is only through my action of just showing up, right now I need to make sure I stay in the rooms and use the phone. I have started the steps but as I said my addict really needs me know know how powerless I am. So for now I remain entrenched in step one just showing up, because now I KNOW "I am Ally and I am a sex addict.
  • Ted @ 07/02/2008 ( 8:48:35 PM )
    What's Next - Recovery, that's what's next. But it is only next if I continue to do the work that I need to do. And part of that work is writing in this blog when I need to write in this blog. I am here today because I have been willing and because I have followed suggestions. That does not mean that I have not slipped and made mistakes. I have. But I have always kept right on going. As Nat King Cole says "Pick Yourself Up, Dust Yourself Off, and Start All Over Again." We'll I don't actually have to start all over again, but I think you get the idea. I just keep moving in the right direction and recovery will be next. It will be future, it will be present and it will become my past, my new past.
  • Tom C @ 10/19/2008 ( 9:29:42 AM )
    So what is next? Recovery! So what is Recovery? Coming to the rooms; listening and sharing; getting a sponsor and starting on the 12 steps, talking to my therapist to learn about sex addiction and how I came to be one; getting in touch with my feelings and writing them down in a journal; meditating two times a day which is helping me sort out the feelings, and the evolution of my addiction and the secret life. These are the concrete tools, the means and methods of Recovery for me. Someday, hopefully (and I am hopeful when doing the work) I might be able to actually explain Recovery itself. What does it actually feel like? I need to be patient, work the program and have faith that it will come.
  • Chris S @ 07/22/2009 ( 8:07:45 AM )
    Sex addict, yes I am. Now what?

    Right now I have been sober for 18 days. Grieving. I have lost my friend, the addict. He was always there for me. I could especially use him right now to escape the feeling I and having. Its taken me a lot of time this morning to identify what exactly the feeling is. The best I can come up with, with the help of those in the fellowship surrounding and supporting me, is that I am grieving. I am really just missing what was once the only sure thing I had, my addiction and the soothing and relief it brought me when my feelings felt too much.

    So I am told, the steps are the next thing.....the "now what".

    Surrender. I started today not knowing where I was. Does it really matter? Not with my higher power there to guide me.

    So now I turn it over for God to solve.Its his to solve and me to listen to the instrucion and advice he will give me through the people I have around me in program. He has begun to do this. Its not easy. Now that I am an admitted addict AND turned it over to the big man, I am opening up to those who are there to help. I am opening up my ears and my heart. Thats what is now.
  • Ted N @ 08/02/2009 ( 8:52:20 PM )
    I admitted I'm a Sex Addict, What's Next? A new life!!!! Thats what's next. As a result of realizing that I am a sex addict, coming into this program and working the steps, I have a life beyond my wildest dreams. I came from a place of fear, resentments, shame, self hatred and isolation. Today I have confidence, I like myself, I know who I am and am not afraid to tell anyone, I am ok with being alone, yet I know that I am never alone, and I know that whatever is supposed to happen will happen as long as do the next right thing and work as hard as I can.
  • John K @ 08/16/2009 ( 10:25:02 AM )
    How many times have you heard that if you begin this business or follow this plan that you will be rich? I have bought some of these plans and after reading a few pages found out that you can make money, but it takes work,time,and commitment. Recovery is the same way. I got Out of the Shadows and read maybe chapter one and declared myself recovered. First lie! I faithfully attended a meeting every week and said that I am working my program. Second lie! I did almost four years of recovery of not going on the Internet sites that were poison to me, yet I objectified every attractive woman I saw until I did fall back in to time wasting on the net. Third lie! My mother said that when I kept doing things that I was sorry for that I was always sorry when the damage is done. I'm tired of being sorry. Just for today, I say my name is John and I am a sex addict and have all the defects of being one. I commit to daily work on myself through my program.

    thanks for reading,

    God love you.
  • Rick S @ 11/17/2009 ( 4:13:59 PM )
    I am a sex addict. So what is next?

    I have found a sponsor, and committed myself to calling him at least once a day. The work he gives me to do, I will work on promptly and to the best of my ability.

    I also seek the advice and care of my therapist and other professionals.

    In order to stay in touch with my recovery, I read Answers in the Heart on a daily basis. So that I may understand my addiction and my behavior better, I am reading Out of the Shadows.

    I have committed to begin the twelve steps, and will complete the A Gentle Path workbook very shortly. I am looking forward to giving my first step. I'm taking my first step one year after I admitted to being a sex addict.

    God help me.
  • Phil @ 12/19/2009 ( 2:30:55 PM )
    Point A = The person I used to be.

    Point B = The person I want to be.

    What's the best way to get from Point A to Point B? I don't have a clue. But I DO have a program, set up with people much more experienced and knowledgeable than me about the path to follow.

    Recognizing and admitting who I was at Point A and admitting that my life was out of control was the First Step. The Second Step is to let my H.P. guide me to do the rest. He has started by introducing me to my teachers and sponsor. What happens next is up to Him, and how strong I am at accepting and putting into practice the help so freely offered. I believe and pray it will work.
  • Diana @ 01/25/2010 ( 10:57:02 PM )
    26 days ago, I admitted I'm a sex addict. Today, a spiritual friend and mentor told me he and his wife were moving to LA on Friday. I don't know how to deal with loss, but out of the blue, someone from SAA called to say hi. I feel open and vulnerable in a new way.
    I went to a meeting and we read the first step. It feels strange to hear myself speak. I started the first question of the first step tonight and all of a sudden, felt the urge to act out. I have a new inventory sheet to help me and I need to sleep. I'm so grateful for the new people I'm meeting. I have a temporary sponsor and the will to say thank you before I fall asleep. That's what's next for me and to take it-one day at a time. Thanks for reading.
  • Ted N @ 02/12/2010 ( 11:18:39 PM )
    I admitted I am a sex addict, what’s next – admitting that I am not perfect. I have been pretending that I am perfect for these past few months because I did not anyone to think that there was anything wrong with me or that I was struggling with anything. But I could see that my life was slowly becoming unmanageable and that my thoughts were becoming obsessive. And it led me to acting out. Of course, that is where it always leads me. So I knew what I had to do. I had to let go of the image I was trying to portray and just be me. Just let people see me for who I am and take care of myself and my recovery. That is what is most important, first things first. If I can take care of myself, then I can also be of service to others. So it felt good to be at this point because I feel refreshed and able to talk about what is going on and not afraid to put on an image. So what’s next for me is working my program to the best of my ability one day at a time and realizing that I am a human and that I am not perfect.
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