Boundaries was a funny word for me to learn about in recovery. While I was acting out I thought the more limitless I was then the better I must be doing. That delusional thinking put me in some very high risk situations. When I came to recovery and started to apply the tools of recovery to my daily life I found out that the boundaries I was starting to learn about was a whole new area of living. Its purpose was not to keep people away from me. On the other hand, these boundaries were put into place in order to keep me safe while I was with other people. A measuring stick of my daily activities. These boundaries soon became like a comfy security blanket that fit me to a "t." Unlike thinking that I was being persecuted for having them in place. It has an opposite feeling in giving me freedom to live while knowing I have self respect and the respect of others, that's safe. |
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These boundries, as we call them, are our personal set of laws, a system of regulations to help us stay sober and stay alive.
"He who ignores discipline comes to poverty and shame,
but whoever heeds correction is honored."
Proverbs 13:18
Thanks for reading,
God love you.
Today I have a completely different view. The boundaries I am setting now are my safety net. They keep me safe from my addict.
The voice in my head (my addict) tells me I want no boundaries, because boundaries prevent me from being who I really am. They force me to do what others want and not what I choose. This is a lie to myself. When I truthfully look at the boundaries I am now setting for myself, I discover that all they do is keep me away and safe from the people, places, and things that free my addict to destroy me. The only thing tethered or bounded is my addict, not the real me. And the addict is mad. He lies to me and tries to convince me that I am a slave to my boundaries, when all he wants is to make me a slave to this disease.
It seems crazy that this conversation actually takes place in my head, but that is the strength of my addict trying to deceive me. It takes real moments of clarity to see the truth and fight off the addict's argument, but each time I do this battle, it becomes easier to see the truth. I need boundaries to protect me from myself.
I've been working on my circles, which are the primary boundaries the addict must set for him or herself. I'm far from done, but at least I have made a start to weaving my safety net. With the help of my sponsor, therapist, and the fellowship, I will shore it up and make sure there are no holes big enough for me to slip through.
Of course, there are consequences to my acting out that now cause people to scrutinize my actions more than I would like, but this is about regaining the trust I have broken. My boundaries will help me in this process, and ultimately, I will be truly whole and truly free.
But when walking througn quicksand, is it any wonder that not paying attention to, or knowing where the safe path through the sand is, ends in being sucked under and death?
Where do I find this map? In myself and my map maker friends. We have fallen off the path so often that if we are honest with ourselves, we can draw our own map of all the hazards we need to avoid. Sometimes, in fact always, we need the help of a more knowledgeable map maker - our group, our sponsor, our therapist. But one thing is for certain, without an accurate map of the boundaries protecting me from hazards, I will eventually kill myself.