Hello and welcome to the Sex Addiction Recovery blog, a blog of serenity. As of our inception in May, 2008 we have diligently pursued a viable forum to create an "online meeting" to be utilized 24/7/365. It is our intent to allow each post to serve as a topic with the comments acting as shares. As with any "meeting" we request that you keep your comments to speaking about your own experience, strength and hope. The best way to utilize this site is to start at the beginning of the archives in May, 2008 and work your way forward using each topic to serve as one "meeting." This is good if you are looking to add more meetings to your weekly agenda. We are not affiliated with any one support group such as SA, SAA, SLAA, and SCA and welcome all posts from addicts of all support groups. This is one SAA addict's way to share his experience, strength, and hope with the community at large. God bless you all on your journeys. 

"Don't quit before the miracle happens."...I love this quote...In all my years its one that has made a wonderful difference. I know when I was a newcomer and green behind the ears I was told this when things got dark and I felt that I couldn't go any more. Things happen, life happens, kids fight, partner's have bad days...we're tired So many people have had the rare glimpse to see what recovery taste like, however they go out and relapse just because they knew they could pick up a white chip the next meeting. I kept pushing forward...making my calls...using my tools and if I have too, lock myself in a padded cell. I understand how it feels to relapse, I did...and I know I could at any minute of any day, but I keep pushing forward because I've tasted recovery and I know if I keep doing all of the things that have kept me in sobriety thus far...I'll stay in recovery for today. I beg of you, all of you who have tasted the sweet taste of recovery to keep pushing forward...for yourself. Don't quit before you feel the promises of the promises in your life. Let them bask in your back yard. Let them eat til they are full...You deserve to enjoy the miracle of recovery...You deserve to bask in the promises of the promises...You deserve to enjoy your life with happiness, joy and the freedom that recovery brings to our souls. It is true we are still addicts, but we're addicts in recovery. If we have one minute or one hour or one day of sobriety and I know the miracle happens to everyone because I witnessed it myself.  I'm just a common man with a disease. Please keep coming back to the rooms and keep reaching out for the support that only comes from our fellowship...Don't quit before the miracle happens to you.

Being a member of S.A.A. I know that I share a common problem and a common solution with my fellow members.  And I know that the primary purpose of S.A.A. is to carry the message of recovery to the addict that still suffers.  And S.A.A. much like all of the fellowships is based upon the foundation of sex addicts helping other sex addicts.  If all of a sudden S.A.A. were to offer professional help, it would through everything off balance.  It would divide the group in half.  There would be members that were providing help and members that were receiving help.  There would be members who could afford help and members who could not afford help.  As a result we would end up with a hierarchy of members one above the other not to mention members who would not be getting the help that they need.  This solution clearly would not work.  To avoid these issues, S.A.A. must remain nonprofessional.  The message must be carried by the fellow addict.

Keep in mind that professionals in their practice often speak of recovery as it relates to sex addiction, however, there is a clear distinction between working with their clients and the 12^th step work of carrying the message from one addict to the other.  This is why this 8^th step is so important.  For me, professional help has long been a part of my history.   However professional help alone has never worked for me.  It was only when I came into the program of S.A.A. and started to work with other sex addicts and my sponsor that I was finally able to hear the message of recovery and start to change my life.  I needed to hear it from other addicts.  I needed to hear how I related to their stories and how I was not alone and not unique and not different.  When I walked in this program for the first time I felt like I could speak openly and be understood.  This is because I was speaking to other addicts who were like me.  Today I still seek professional help, however, it is combined with the program that I work in S.A.A. with my fellow addicts, my sponsor and my Power. 

As our groups grow and our fellowship grows, we have found that it has become necessary to hire professionals for their services.  Some members may question why we need to do this.  I know from the 7^th Tradition that we do have expenses and we need to be responsible for ourselves.  In much the same way, in this part of Tradition 8, we are taking responsibility for the fellowship.  We are ensuring that the work that needs to be done is done so that the fellowship is here for the addict that still suffers.  We do this by employing these special workers to do this work that we cannot do by volunteer alone.  I am grateful that we are able to support ourselves through our collections so that the fellowship can thrive and be here for me and for the newcomer.

I have gotten the question, "What is it like to be a woman sex addict?" "Are you a nymph and just want sex all the time?"  The answer is not that simple.  My addiction to sex was an addiction in keeping myself in trauma I experienced as a child.  I was used to that state so I just perpetuated it in all my relationships/ encounters.  Sex addiction does not discriminate it does not care if you are a man or a woman, wealthy or poverty stricken.  What is different is finding other women with my issues to connect to, this is such a shameful disease that wives, mothers, daughters, professional women, homemakers can not bring themselves to talk about their secret life.

I know I did not talk about my sex addiction until my husband caught me and we discussed it at length with the aid of a therapist.  Only then did I start attending SAA meetings.  Now the meetings are essential to my recovery.  It does not matter that often I am the only woman in the room.  The stories may be different but the destruction this disease leaves behind for us all is similar.  I would not have the life I have now if it were not for the recovery in the rooms of SAA.  No matter who deep or painful the shame may feel the relief that comes from unburdening ourselves is beyond compare.  I hope in the near future other women can find the peace and serenity that recovery has showed me.

I never realized how powerful and meaningful this tradition was until preparing this post.  Until now I thought of this tradition simply as the basket going around the room.  However it is much more.   Tradition seven represents a profound change that S.A.A. has brought about in me and probably in a lot of us.  As an addict I used to say that there was nothing that money could not fix.  I was always dependent on others, and it was usually for money.  I allowed other people to take care of me and to manage the necessities of my life.  As with most addicts in recovery, since coming to S.A.A  I have learned to be accountable for myself and for my recovery.  I am no longer dependent on other people to manage my life.  I am responsible. 

Translate this to the group level and this means that as recovering members of the group we can accept responsibility for the maintenance of our group and not have to accept any outside help.  And by declining outside help we are free to carry the S.A.A. message.

In the beginning we tried to run the fellowships with as little or no money as possible because we thought we had to separate the spiritual from the material.  However, we soon recognized that the fellowship had to function.  We had to pay rent, buy literature and meeting schedules, install phones, pay for secretaries, etc…  If we did not the newcomer walking in the door would not have a place to go.  These simple things required small sums of money that we could pay ourselves in support of our sobriety and the newcomers.  So we soon realized that there was a place where spirituality and money can mix: in the basket.

However, Tradition seven goes beyond collecting money.  This tradition states that each group ought to be fully self supporting.  Being self supporting is more than just paying bills; it is chairing meetings, sponsoring newcomers, any service commitments, and the basic functions of the group.  And to be “fully” self supporting means that all members are participating, that all members are rotating through the basic functions.   This is critical to being self supporting because a group cannot be dependent on a handful of people.  The group will survive when all members are part of the management and responsibilities of the group. 

I have been in recovery for several years and for the 1^st couple years did no service commitments at all.  However in the past year and a half I have been treasurer of one of my home groups and I have chaired meetings as I am able.  I never knew that this was part of Tradition seven, but I did know that it was part of supporting the group so that we could continue to carry the message.  It has and continues to be a great experience and I recommend it to anyone.

There is a saying that goes something like this..."The Past is history, the future is a mystery, but right now is the present - thats why they call it a gift." As I walk my path of recovery I find that, from time to to time, I drift between these three time zones as a disservice to myself. My sponsor has said to me while we are talking, "Why are you worrying about this or that...It's in the future which my crystal ball can't see what's going to happen." or "Why stress over what has happened in the past...it's over and done with." I hear his voice ring so clearly in my head as I continue to revert back to the present in our conversations. Today, for this moment is all I have and while I'm in the present in my head, I'm in recovery. If I'm anguishing over the past I keep repeating the same old themes in my head and keep myself stuck in my shame and guilt, acting out to try to restore my sanity which just perpetuates the cycle of shame over and over in a insidious film of horror. That obviously is not the answer. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it, that keeps us focused on why we're in recovery in the first place. Additionally, worrying about the future doesn't work either. What could or would or might happen keeps me stressed out and doesn't allow me to spend time in the moment where things are revolving in a time frame that I can adjust to as needed, with the tools of my recovery at my side. The tools are only available in the present...when and where I need them the most. I'm grateful to my sponsor for his teachings of the "Living in the present." I can relax as I move forward in my recovery knowing that this moment is the only moment I have to think about...the rest of life, he say's "...will take of it's self. Just believe." So I take his suggestion to heart and try to remind myself when I'm not in the moment to get back there so I can enjoy the peace and serenity of my program. God bless you all on your journeys. Thank you Papa.