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Hello and welcome to the Sex Addiction Recovery blog, a blog of serenity. As of our inception in May, 2008 we have diligently pursued a viable forum to create an "online meeting" to be utilized 24/7/365. It is our intent to allow each post to serve as a topic with the comments acting as shares. As with any "meeting" we request that you keep your comments to speaking about your own experience, strength and hope. The best way to utilize this site is to start at the beginning of the archives in May, 2008 and work your way forward using each topic to serve as one "meeting." This is good if you are looking to add more meetings to your weekly agenda. We are not affiliated with any one support group such as SA, SAA, SLAA, and SCA and welcome all posts from addicts of all support groups. This is one SAA addict's way to share his experience, strength, and hope with the community at large. God bless you all on your journeys.
"The Promises" When I hear that phase...I expect a disclaimer, you know...the fine print on the reverse side of the contract. I was bred to be suspicious, to not trust any adult after being betrayed in the worst way. In my six years of recovery I've yet to find the fine print or the disclaimer saying, "these only occur if..." I have heard that the fellowship will gladly refund my misery any time I want to leave. But what really do the promises state...? First off, they tell me I'm going to be amazed before I'm half way through. I was amazed the first night I walked in the meeting and saw people who were happy, smiling and full of life. I was the one who was in pain. They tell me no matter how far down the scale of shame I had sunk, that my experience could benefit others. Okay, that one I had to sit with for a few months until I finally understood what it meant. It was a good thing, not a bad thing. My experience shared could help another person feel welcomed or not alone. It could help someone feel apart of a larger group after feeling so isolated in the past. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. I learned I had value. I had come to understand I was a worthy human being. People shouldn't take advantage of me any longer. The promises told me if I continued on the path that I was on, this path of recovery, that I would come to understand that God is doing for us what I could not do for myself. I didn't need proof of this one. He had shown me little miracles as a matter of fact...more than I could remember and hasn't stopped since I came into the rooms. Finally the promises promise that sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly these little miracles will happen to us, but one thing was for sure, if we kept working for them they will appear. A feeling of serenity and peace will take hold the longer we work for them. Thank you Papa for each and every promise you've kept for me...I'm a blessed man because of the promises and my recovery, ...grateful for all the rest. I know that if you keep coming back the promises will work for you too.
February 25th will be six years since I first came to the rooms. One of the readings that stood out the most is, "How It Works." I call this the blueprint of recovery. I still remember my first meeting where they read this reading and I was transfixed on every word. Somebody said to me, "It's a simple program...just follow the reading." That person forgot to tell me it wasn't an easy chore to accomplish. Nevertheless I plugged on. Not only did I learn that this special reading was the blueprint of program, but I also found out what half measures meant. That wasn't fun. Educational yes, fun no. But I perservered and actually memorized the reading and all of its little phrases. I even made a giant seven foot poster to hang in my bedroom so I could etch it into my brain. It did take hold and what sprouted was a strong commitment to follow the suggestions as it is written, not as my big diseased brain might create it to mean. Take the line, "If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it-then you are ready to take certain steps." I love this line...To me, it is the heart and soul of the reading. When I heard it the first night my head looked like a bobble head it was bouncing up and down in such agreement. Wow...somebody created a plan. "Someone made it idiot proof just for me, I thought." I came away that night not only with the hope that this program could help even me, but with written directions of how to do it.Well here I am almost six years later with a blessed sobriety and the comfort knowing that the reading, "How It Works" rings as true today as it did six years ago. Imagine a concrete foundation to allow me to stand firm and grow in recovery...What a blessing. Thanks God. And I thank all of you who come here and share and enrich my recovery, one day at a time. God bless you all.
How does one create a spiritual awakening...Ask anyone in a twelve step fellowship and the answer seems so obvious, work the steps. But how does working the steps bring me to this awakening? It can be broken down into the 3 parts really. One is in the first three steps we learn to find our connection with a God of our own understanding. Second we work the Steps 4 through 9 and learn to work with our God, allowing Him to guide us through the tough steps, knowing and trusting that this new found work will deliver us from ourselves and open us up to our primary purpose and that is sharing His will and wisdom to those who still suffer. This is the third part that we speak about.
In Step 10 we continue to take personal inventory and when we are wrong promptly admit it. The reason we do this so promptly is due to our connection with our higher power. We realize that since we have grown in our relationship with Him that we are held to a certain standard that we enforce upon ourselves. We no longer shut our eyes and turn our heads when our integrity is being challenged. We have an unspoken understanding that only our relationship with our higher power and ourselves understands. It keeps us on the righteous path. Then in Step 11 we learn to to meditate and and improve our conscious contact with our God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry it out. This is where we rolled up our shirt sleeves and got busy with the business of listening quietly as He spoke to us. As it states in the Twelve and Twelve, "We know God lovingly watches over us. We know that when we turn to Him, all will be well with us, here and hereafter." His will will be shown to us as we pay attention to our lives and the lives of our fellows.
Then there is Step 12, sharing the love of the steps with those who still suffer, practicing the principles of the steps in all our affairs so that we and those about us may find emotional sobriety. Through these 12 Steps we have now become able to do, feel and believe that which we could not do before on our unaided strength and resources alone. The Twelve and Twelve further states, "He has been set on a path which tells him he is really going somewhere, that life is not dead end, not something to be endured or mastered." By God's grace I thank Him for the awakening that I've come to live with in my years of sobriety. If it hadn't been for the steps I would not have had a plan to follow or and outcome with as much serenity as I have today. Thank you Papa and God bless you all on your journeys.
Recovery is a way of life so I have found out. It is a barometer of how I’m doing on a daily basis. It’s the training I so lacked as a child and as a young adult. Gratefully, by the grace of God, I have it today…and just for today is all I have to concern myself with. Not yesterday or tomorrow, just for today, just for this moment. Something else that shows up for me is the call to service... To do for others. God’s will for me is not my own, it is His. I’ve learned as I’ve turned my will over to Him, Step 3 and remind myself of the 3rd Step prayer, that it is others I’m called to support with God’s love, support, and way of life. In working the 3rd Step and 12th Step, bringing the message to those who still suffer, I am transformed into God’s love. For me this is the greatest calling I could ever achieve. I am a humbled servant eager to assist the next addict who still suffers and am reminded each time I do help that I could be that person once again, if I allow my spiritual connection to lapse. As long as I keep my connection open and flowing I am in His grace, love and support to help others. Believe when I tell you how blessed I am to have this blog…I witness every share that is brought here. I am moved by the love, support and honesty that comes my way on a daily basis. This has been one source on my journey that has given back to me a hundred fold what I’ve put into it. I deeply appreciate and thank all of you who have supported it, for you have inspired and helped change my life. Another call to service for me is sponsorship. What I have learned from each of my sponsees, from patience to enlightenment and everything in between. I am so blessed to be a sponsor in the recovery of SAA. Thank you all and thank you Papa for all your wisdom, love and support.
This picture is entitled, "Hands Of Prosperity" It's not about the change in his hands, its about the change we do in order to be prosperous in our lives. |
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There is a saying from Golda Meir, the Prime Minister of Israel, in the early 70's and it said, "You can't shake hands with a clenched fist." Pretty wise for an elderly woman having to deal with peace as much as she did. We at times, as addicts, try to live life as if we were a clenched fist, unwilling to open up to the new possibilities that lie ahead of us. Arrogant to the point of nausea. We forget our best thinking got us into the world we live in today. Thankfully with our sponsors experience, our fellows' love, programs' guidance and that magical connection to our higher power we are able to change our thinking, even if it's only a little. I have to say that I made my changes all right, some quickly, some I stumbled upon, but mostly I succeeded. My sponsor said I had to change everything: from what I thought; to what I perceived as being right; to the ways I felt about women. I tried like a dickens to hold on to my old ideas, but the results were nil until I let go absolutely. I thought I knew best. I, once again was proven wrong - that in fact, a power greater than me was much wiser and it was time to surrender and change. I beg my God for the willingness to change and slowly my mind started to accept the truth that my sponsor had been telling me all along. "Change everything and live in recovery or change only what I choose to change and live miserably in my addiction." I had finally opened my fist and took the hand of my sponsor and let him in. His experience knew better than mine, his sobriety knew better than mine and his serenity knew better than mine. I had learned to change, slowly at first, but eager as I saw the truth, "I'm here to help you, walk this way - follow my journey and let it lead you out of harm's way." God, do I love my sponsor...he has never failed me on my journey of change and I know in my heart of hearts, his intention is never to do so. Thank you Papa for the gift of my sponsor.