Hello and welcome to the Sex Addiction Recovery blog, a blog of serenity. As of our inception in May, 2008 we have diligently pursued a viable forum to create an "online meeting" to be utilized 24/7/365. It is our intent to allow each post to serve as a topic with the comments acting as shares. As with any "meeting" we request that you keep your comments to speaking about your own experience, strength and hope. The best way to utilize this site is to start at the beginning of the archives in May, 2008 and work your way forward using each topic to serve as one "meeting." This is good if you are looking to add more meetings to your weekly agenda. We are not affiliated with any one support group such as SA, SAA, SLAA, and SCA and welcome all posts from addicts of all support groups. This is one SAA addict's way to share his experience, strength, and hope with the community at large. God bless you all on your journeys. 

Today, I'm all about tools. What's in your tool box? If the steps are the heart of program, then tools are the arteries of program, pumping recovery to each and every addict. I went crazy and bought a 40'0 container instead of a regular size tool box. I want to make sure that if I needed to dig a hole to jump in to keep myself safe, I'd have a backhoe in my box in order to dig a trench. "Whatever it takes to keep myself safe" is my motto.What I found out was that being in recovery is simular to being in the building trades. There are special tools to help make our jobs easier. The most important tool in my box is "Communication" ...whether I'm using a speciality tool called a telephone, sharing at meetings or out with the fellows: I'm communicating. Communication is the key for me. T remember being told early on in my recovery that I have to give recovery away, in order to keep it. Well, by communicating in any form; sharing on this blog, talking on the phone or sharing in meetings I'm giving recovery away - I keep getting it back! My hope is that everyone just keeps communicating especially here on Recovery Monologue where everyone keeps giving it away and keeps on getting it. God bless you all. So seriously, share what special tools work for you and keep on keep'n it. Recovery  - it's a Tool Thing!!!

Tradition Nine is based on the idea that the group relies on spiritual principles rather than conventional methods of organized management.  S.A.A. is founded on the idea that sex addicts get together to help other sex addicts recover.  In order for this to work, we need to all be equal members in S.A.A.  Not being organized means that we have no membership rules or committees, that we have no disciplinary action if a rule is broken.  There is no one who has authority over anyone else.  We each have our own freedom and responsibility within the group.  And for us, this is a gift of S.A.A.  So, we keep everything as simple as possible.  We can give whatever structure we want to our meetings to facilitate our recovery.  This part of the tradition helps remind me that I am just one of the members and that we are all here for the same reason, to get and stay sober. 

However, there are practical matters that need to be addressed: rent, phone lines, literature, etc….  If we were to handle these issues within the group, the message of the group would be compromised.  For this reason we create service boards or committees.  These service boards and committees need to remain accountable to those they serve.  All of their actions need to be directed by the group’s conscience, the group’s members.  Typically these committees are handled through a business meeting that is set up after the regular meeting.  In addition there are Intergroups that are set up to represent the interests of more than one group.  And then there is the International Service Organization which represents S.A.A. as a whole.  This entire service structure is set up based on the ninth tradition and answers back to the members of S.A.A.  Also, Tradition Nine protects the members and the group from any abuse of power that might exist because the group’s members determine the actions of the group through group conscience decisions and keep the committees responsible to those they serve. 

Being part of this service structure has been a wonderful experience for me and a great way for me to give back to the fellowship that helped get me sober.  I have enjoyed helping be part of the group conscience decisions and helping to do what I can on the service committees so that our group can continue to carry the message of S.A.A.

"Don't quit before the miracle happens."...I love this quote...In all my years its one that has made a wonderful difference. I know when I was a newcomer and green behind the ears I was told this when things got dark and I felt that I couldn't go any more. Things happen, life happens, kids fight, partner's have bad days...we're tired So many people have had the rare glimpse to see what recovery taste like, however they go out and relapse just because they knew they could pick up a white chip the next meeting. I kept pushing forward...making my calls...using my tools and if I have too, lock myself in a padded cell. I understand how it feels to relapse, I did...and I know I could at any minute of any day, but I keep pushing forward because I've tasted recovery and I know if I keep doing all of the things that have kept me in sobriety thus far...I'll stay in recovery for today. I beg of you, all of you who have tasted the sweet taste of recovery to keep pushing forward...for yourself. Don't quit before you feel the promises of the promises in your life. Let them bask in your back yard. Let them eat til they are full...You deserve to enjoy the miracle of recovery...You deserve to bask in the promises of the promises...You deserve to enjoy your life with happiness, joy and the freedom that recovery brings to our souls. It is true we are still addicts, but we're addicts in recovery. If we have one minute or one hour or one day of sobriety and I know the miracle happens to everyone because I witnessed it myself.  I'm just a common man with a disease. Please keep coming back to the rooms and keep reaching out for the support that only comes from our fellowship...Don't quit before the miracle happens to you.

Being a member of S.A.A. I know that I share a common problem and a common solution with my fellow members.  And I know that the primary purpose of S.A.A. is to carry the message of recovery to the addict that still suffers.  And S.A.A. much like all of the fellowships is based upon the foundation of sex addicts helping other sex addicts.  If all of a sudden S.A.A. were to offer professional help, it would through everything off balance.  It would divide the group in half.  There would be members that were providing help and members that were receiving help.  There would be members who could afford help and members who could not afford help.  As a result we would end up with a hierarchy of members one above the other not to mention members who would not be getting the help that they need.  This solution clearly would not work.  To avoid these issues, S.A.A. must remain nonprofessional.  The message must be carried by the fellow addict.

Keep in mind that professionals in their practice often speak of recovery as it relates to sex addiction, however, there is a clear distinction between working with their clients and the 12^th step work of carrying the message from one addict to the other.  This is why this 8^th step is so important.  For me, professional help has long been a part of my history.   However professional help alone has never worked for me.  It was only when I came into the program of S.A.A. and started to work with other sex addicts and my sponsor that I was finally able to hear the message of recovery and start to change my life.  I needed to hear it from other addicts.  I needed to hear how I related to their stories and how I was not alone and not unique and not different.  When I walked in this program for the first time I felt like I could speak openly and be understood.  This is because I was speaking to other addicts who were like me.  Today I still seek professional help, however, it is combined with the program that I work in S.A.A. with my fellow addicts, my sponsor and my Power. 

As our groups grow and our fellowship grows, we have found that it has become necessary to hire professionals for their services.  Some members may question why we need to do this.  I know from the 7^th Tradition that we do have expenses and we need to be responsible for ourselves.  In much the same way, in this part of Tradition 8, we are taking responsibility for the fellowship.  We are ensuring that the work that needs to be done is done so that the fellowship is here for the addict that still suffers.  We do this by employing these special workers to do this work that we cannot do by volunteer alone.  I am grateful that we are able to support ourselves through our collections so that the fellowship can thrive and be here for me and for the newcomer.

I have gotten the question, "What is it like to be a woman sex addict?" "Are you a nymph and just want sex all the time?"  The answer is not that simple.  My addiction to sex was an addiction in keeping myself in trauma I experienced as a child.  I was used to that state so I just perpetuated it in all my relationships/ encounters.  Sex addiction does not discriminate it does not care if you are a man or a woman, wealthy or poverty stricken.  What is different is finding other women with my issues to connect to, this is such a shameful disease that wives, mothers, daughters, professional women, homemakers can not bring themselves to talk about their secret life.

I know I did not talk about my sex addiction until my husband caught me and we discussed it at length with the aid of a therapist.  Only then did I start attending SAA meetings.  Now the meetings are essential to my recovery.  It does not matter that often I am the only woman in the room.  The stories may be different but the destruction this disease leaves behind for us all is similar.  I would not have the life I have now if it were not for the recovery in the rooms of SAA.  No matter who deep or painful the shame may feel the relief that comes from unburdening ourselves is beyond compare.  I hope in the near future other women can find the peace and serenity that recovery has showed me.